Iam A Recovering Procrastinator

Having finished the first half of law school, Iam taking a moment to raise a glass of a non toxic drink to crossing over & going to half time.
I have definitely taken a blogcation and with that a list of reasons. What snapped me out of it is good old unreliable UMEME. The reasons range from having a two weeks exam marathon,to consenquencial laziness,to phone issues and finally my new found obsession with David Oguttu’s blog over at howdaudiseesit.tumblr.
Damn its good so much so that the night before my land transactions exam about 2:am( is that morning?) I found myself reading his blog instead of the source book on Land Law I had borrowed from the library.Worth it? Hmmmm let’s see what the results have to say about that in July.
Here is another stalkerish move I pulled,I got a tumblr app & signed me up just so I can be able to follow the blog. Ya that is creepy & the fact that am writing about it is scary.Point is go over there & read it because I want to be that kind of blogger when I grow up.
Hopefully I can move on from my blog-crush and actually write something.
Just recently I celebrated my birthday which was short & sweet thanks to my Chicky Counsel & Kunsa who took me out for a platter of all things meat & icecream despite that it was 24hrs before the jurisprudence exam.( I really need to stop making such a big deal about it because as it turns out,it was a normal 3hr exam & it wasn’t printed on scrolls or stone tablets).

The thing about it though, is the undeniable realization of how far I have come as a person but let’s leave my personal evolution story for another day.

There is something that happens to me whenever I think of writing something down.I either don’t want to deal with looking for where my nephew & his awesome organizational skills have put my pen & journal, or I realize that daytime television is not so vain or that it’s about the time for the day’s edition of Cruize Control on Power FM. Let’s just say finding an excuse is never a problem.The English word is “procrastination”.

I was sharing with a friend of mine how I downloaded an application form for an NGO I would love to intern with and somehow I have not filled it and my reason was I am a recovering procrastinator,to which he said there is no such thing refusing to even give me points for creativity.
I have acquiesced to this disaster and its time to get it together so here Iam. Its a thief of time for real (read 4 riyo).In my experience it’s only the important things that I put off..
Things like spending time with God, making a phone call to mother dearest without an ulterior motive, getting done with my pile of work, sending my intern application or even dusting the cobwebs off of this blog. Clearly its not healthy,a habit no child of God is allowed to have. ( Yes Iam taking the spiritual route for this one)

Listen, the good book says we don’t wrestle against flesh and blood but rather principalities, and strongholds, things that may be infiltrated in our spirit. Every time we put something off we are creating a window for the devil to toy with our time.We just add to the pile of stuff we have do at a time we are not sure of and when we have to its stressful because well its a pile. Stress breeds panic & exasperation all which are not our portion.
I think I have made my point so what now.

STEP 1-Just stop.
So there is no 12-step programme. Am sure there is one on Google or something but am sorry I don’t think this bad habit should be given that much credit.
Reason? Its a decision every time.
No one ever holds a gun to my head to procrastinate,I just consciously or unconsciously elect to.
Joyce Meyer says; “The only way to break a bad habit is to create a new one”. This time there is no need to go good new habit fishing, because you can just do the opposite starting with simple things. A friend usually tells me that if something is going to take less than five minutes, just go ahead and do it in that moment, like that phone call to mother dearest, then it just grows.

We truly can do all things through Christ who gives us strength including not procrastinating (I have written the word too many times. So let me go fill that application form because Iam a recovering procrastinator one decision at a time.

Attempt

We like to think we have evolved
Become better than we were
Years ago
We like to think we have finally garnered approval from our peers
We like to think that the rest of the world looks at us with more respect
Less disdain, less pity, less eye-rolling
But the truth is we haven’t evolved
We have just changed
So  much that we can’t recognize who is staring  back at us in the mirror
We bought ourselves a face and wore it
We got some good old paint and became artists
Designing the version of who we think will be more acceptable
We sold our conscience piece by piece to the highest bidder of approval
We boxed our truth and shipped it off to this vast & unquenchable hole called “fitting in”
We forgot that the more you give in,the more truth gets far from you
We don’t like who we have become We think we do,but we go to bed at night wondering what we can do to find ourselves again

The truth is we have not evolved
Evolving means transformation
It means development
But have we really?
We have  doubted what we deserve
Because it seems above realistic
Above approval rate standard
Above what is acceptable
Above conformity
Too above what is expected
We have subscribed to gossip sites
We have allowed that its not anything if its not mediocre
We are proud of average
Of just enough to get by
The opinion of the one looking back at us in the mirror has been substituted
For the number of likes on Facebook or retweets
Its not that we have a double standard
Its that we chose a standard
A perfectly conducive spot
On the average scale
So no we think we have evolved
But I think we have just changed

The things I have learnt

This post is meant to go up on the 15th but considering the extenuating circumstances that are going to be sitting an equity exam on that day,I have to reschedule
Also am travelling to Fort-Portal so I have some time on my hands although I actually had the audacity to think I would be able read a Jurisprudence book I have on the phone on my way like that is very likely.
Am not very crazy about my birthday because besides the reminder that am aging,it has come to my attention that the older I grow the less gifts I receieve. Oh ya Iam totally complaining.
Let’s put the breaks on the complaining for a minute so I can appreciate the following individuals,
Diana ( my Dada),
Rosette( still figuring out what prompted your sweet gene),
Ronnie ( whatever happened to those guitar lessons),
Josh(my papa who refuses to age) Hudson ( well yo Hudson so am not saying anymore lest I be sued but the ice cream is still dearly remembered)
Ken ( My former best friend who I occassionally miss)
Dear ( My sister who gives gifts in form of collections)
You guys spoilt me last year & I don’t think I will ever say  thank you enough unless of course you do it allover again..

This being the special month (precisely the 15th day) mother dearest decided to bring me into this world,my sentimentality is visiting and so I am going to take the opportunity to let you in on a few things I have learnt over the not so few years I have been around.
Reporting live or historically from this life of mine here is a list of the things  I have learnt.

1.Nothing beats family
I come from the most untypical of families-Its was an all girls’ show until a little over two years ago when Caleb ( world’s best nephew) arrived. These guys make my world.How? I have no idea but I have come to learn that there is nothing under the sun we can’t survive. Am just going to break them down.

Mother Dearest
If I have to say everything there is to say about her,I would have enough to finally write a book so am going to condense that.
My mother is the rock,the cornerstone,the strength,the pastor.The one that keeps it together for everyone even when she herself is falling apart.
She exudes confidence, requires excellence,instills the fear of God ( am saying that in the nicest way possible) & she is the person who put everything on the line to make sure we were all ok. She has taught me that. God is the only constant and also that falling apart never accomplishes anything so do yourself a favour and keep it together.

Assistant/Vice/Deputy Mum Patie Darling
My eldest sister who has mastered the art of being relentlessly awesome & right.I have learnt that Patie is the sweet version of mum,she commands respect,requires the exercise of sound judgement, will support you even when you decide to fall off a cliff & will still let you know she’ got your back & she is also very generous. Her money has always been our money & so has her closet.She is your go to girl for everything glamarous.
She clips the messiness out of your hair, paints your nails & will make it her business to ensure your the best dressed person in the room. We have similar hobbies except her need to always impart sex education & yes I have concluded with the rest of the world that we are totally twins..And did I mention the girl is always right,you should probably go ahead and not date that guy if she says in not so many words (,using her famous. ” you know I will support you no matter what” line) that its not going anywhere. She has taught me the value of making great choices & most importantly she instilled a sense of self-worth & respect in all of us because she will always let you know that you are worth more than gold.
Patie also did herself a favour & taught me how to do every chore under the sun, so she will kick back,relax & watch you do the housework for & on her behalf. (Sharp-girl)

Mama Lucky
First off she already has points for being Caleb’s mum because well the little guy changed my life.
That said Lucky lives to her titles.She has never hit a jack pot or anything like that but she is my jack pot,my go-getting sister who stops at nothing to achieve what she wants.
I know her for being extremely strong even when she doesn’t need to be, she takes care of me from the greatest to the least need
She is not all cuddly and warm but she has understood that loves other name is sacrifice.
Oh she is one Lucky girl,she makes friends like its a professional skill & she has the world at her feet with her sharp business mind. She has taught me that you can’t give up on your dreams,you pursue them regardless of how long that may take & she is totally the best mama that has ever lived. Caleb is the luckiest guy in the world for having her as a mum.

Sugarbaby/Dear/Sister-sister
The difference between this girl & I is that she is everything am not.
I actually believe a part of her is just adopted.
She is the petite young lady born immediately before me and up to now I have to deal with people asking me whether am sure she is older than me.(/girl get some weight because I like my baby of the family title)
She is my cheerleader, my pastor,my official partner in all wrongs civil & criminal & most importantly my bestest best friend.
She is the world’s sweetest, most pure,most amazing sister-sister.
God was very aware that her very presence in the family would keep us together. She does & gives everything and expects nothing.
She will feed you into a stupor,she invented celebrating people and she doesn’t quit.
With the best of grades and immense pressure she refused formal employment to follow her dream & has she pulled it off or what?
And yes she prays like God is sitting in a chair cross from her.This girl is awesome okay?
She has taught me that nothing under this sun is impossible. 
So Iam resounding this nothing beats family & I got carried away writing about them but this still is about the things I have learnt.

2.Feelings are overrated.
There is always someone willing to throw something at me every time I mention this but I know of it’s truth. Its typical to focus on what you feel and forget what you deserve which is why more often than not you need to bundle those feelings of resentment,not wanting to read case books,not wanting to pray or talk to your friends into a tiny box and focus on the important things.
Feelings will get in the your way of  achieving the best not that they are not important but they can be overlooked.There are alot of things I never feel like doing including getting up every morning but well law school is not going to attend itself. Joyce Meyer said,”make a quality decision not to live by feelings they are a fickle” & I couldnt agree more.

3.You put enough distance between you and the things that are important to you,very soon you forget what those things are.

This is pretty simple,someone once told me that,
“The most important thing in life is to keep the most important thing as the most important thing”.
At first it sounded like one word said too many times but therein lies a salient truth,always make time for the things that matter & especially the people. These days its really easy since almost every one is a text away & technology is everyone’s bestfriend plus once in a while you can put the phone down & have a real conversation because there are things a text will never convey. In my experience it’s always better to celebrate your family and friends when they are alive than giving the “eulogy of the year” at their funeral.

4.If you don’t show up for yourself no one will.
It’s common knowledge that we don’t go through life without hustle.
I know I have had to deal with a number of things that I would probably be forgiven for giving up. The easy way is to sulk and blame everything and everyone for things falling apart.That just makes you a bitter miserable sack that no one wants to associate with because if you don’t pick yourself up and get it together no one will..Your friends and family will be kind enough to throw you a pity party or two but when it’s all said and done, you have to pull through whatever crap on your own. Regardless of how great your support system is,the only attitude that matters to get up is your own.

5.The best thing that you will ever do for yourself is to be delivered from people.
Your entire class can’t like you,neither can your whole clan agree with you,neither can everyone agree with how you talk,or dress or walk. So get delivered from people.
Its true that people’s opinions matter.However I always say I care a lot about what some people think what I don’t care much for is what most people think because my  approval rate has nothing to do with public opinion.
You pay enough attention to what everyone is saying about you & eventually you start believing it so just don’t pay attention because usually it’s a load of untruthful opinions.The most important opinion of  who you are is the one you hold.

6. There is always something to learn.
This is only true when you pay attention. It doesn’t matter where you are, or what your doing, heck It may even be a funeral.When you just listen or look around somewhere therein lies a teachable moment. This learning is especially true with situations we normally go through.It may be unfair and maddening but sometimes its a great lesson.
Somewhere along the way I lost a full school government scholarship and the moment I realized I had left me numb to say the least, but after it was all said and over with I learnt strength, patience and most of all that it doesn’t matter how right you play your cards there comes a time when you don’t get what you want & the good news is life doesn’t stop, because you will always have what you need.

7.It doesn’t always have to make sense. As long as your still here, figuring out every little detail of your life is not your job.If you try it your going to be dealing with a serious head ache at every turn. The best thing you can do for yourself sometimes is to understand that you cannot understand-this is especially true when dealing with loss.

8.Its always worth it to do something or be a part of something bigger than yourself.
Clearly we all can’t rescue orphans like Watoto or be part of The Red Cross but there is always enough need going around that you can do something about.Rendering help teaches gratitude.

9.Don’t show up at someone’s party if you have no intention of having fun
Crawl your pouting & sulking self into your bed and sleep but if you decide to go out with your friends don’t ruin it for every one else because you carried your sad version to the event because chances are everyone else is too busy having a blast to notice your not.

10.Always resist the temptation to press that pimple.
It never has & will never end well it just gets worse.

Happy birthday to me in advance and Happy Easter 

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